After my 2nd IUI, I just can’t imagine doing it again. The last one was done last 1 ½ years ago. And the pain still haunting me.Seriously! Going to and fro every week for almost 7 hours driving was not that bad compare to the process of IUI. I have to be a drugGER (apa punya bahasa nie) for almost 2 years for that. (medication & injection)
5 days jep (I did it my own bottom of my belly) was scary. I have to do it myself because mostly those nurse at my place “tak berani nak buat, tak pernah” or I define them as “takut nak cuba or malas”. fuHhhh….
I did fallopian tube scan where’s a type of fluid (dye) injected in it to make sure that there were no blockage. While the fluid injected to the tube, I felt half down of my body numbed. Just can’t describe how pain it was. But praise the Lord, there ain’t.
“Insemination: To introduce or inject semen into the reproductive tract of a female”
After that procedure done, the doctor did my insem. Eventhough the pain was crampingmy whole body, I kept on praying, hope that TWW will come true.
And for the second time TWW failed. Almost two years trying naturally, there’re still no sign of “good news”. Everywhere I go, anyone I met keep on asking me the same old question which make me sometimes very stressful. I manage to pick myself up eventually. Each time I fall, I seem to fall lower. At the moment all I want to do is lie on the bed curled in a ball and cry or just lay there and mourn. People around have been talking about whether I am going to ever get pregnant. This has depressed me further. I know we need to be realistic, but I am not ready to give up yet.
Everyone is talking about adoption. It is something that we both want to do, but I feel like it will be admitting defeat. If we do adopt, we want to put our whole sole into it, and not still be going through treatment for a biological child. A family is what is very important to us. If we do adopt, that means I will never be pregnant, give birth, breast feed, and hold my newborn for the first time. This is a hard pill to swallow, and at the moment, I think that is what I am not able to do.
Dear, hub, thanks for all the support, kind and love you gave to me. Let us keep praying because I believe that God’s plan is always the best. Love you so much.
*if you want to know what is IUI just google it la. Just FYI
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